Monday, December 04, 2006

Time flies, really flies.
It seems as though i only update like once a month or something.
The last post was Nov 1. =) way long.

Been working at NYDC for a few weeks.
Know most of them much better already.
Start to see similarities and differences.
Went out with Ash all for the first time, some mini outlet outing.

I can't remember which date, but here it goes.
Met Dannie, yong and all at Cine. Was late abit.
Then saw Nat and Ash all were there as well; we were at Heeren by the way.
Decided to go to Cine's TCC to slack. Saw Gera working, then we had to wait for awhile, too pack.
Walked around to waste time. Carmen and Nat went to buy stuff, Ash to the toilet, Yong emo-ing one corner. Then me and Dannie saw the arcade, decided to play daytona.
And guess who won??? haha! ME! I won.

Then dine in at TCC, Gera gave us a discount.
Catched up with her for awhile.
Then went to have a puff with Dannie, sadly the only two smokers there were like dying.
First cigarette of the day felt good, it was like 9+pm or so.
After that headed down to the outlet to meet the rest.
A total of about 10 or so went.
There was Roy, who drove down his car, seivon, lynette, natalie, carmen, yong, ash, terence, bert, dannie and me. Then another one called hong yan joined us.
Since Roy was driving, i decided to planned with him that pretend that i'll be driving the car. So alright! I've got the car keys, yay! Went down to the carpark with Dannie first, forgot to tell them. I just realised that the back doors of Wheelock can only be opened through one way. Almost got locked there. Went to start Roy's car, Seivon all started to panic, they though i was really going to drive the car and wasn't joking. In the end i did not, cause it was just a prank. =D
The car ride was a disaster, for me, super pack.

Went to Cafe Iguna, to have a few drinks.
Saw Kenny all there, by conincidence.
Then headed down to Balestier to have supper, then to East coast to watch sunrise.
Went home. Sleep. =D

Work is disastrous. especially when you are alone during the week nights. Terrible.
Orders start streaming in when you are doing closing. Thank god that night ah yong and dannie helped me with closing. phew.

The holidays are coming soon. Tmr is the last day of school.
Also have to prepare for my school's open house. Have to attend a briefing on 8 Jan for my SAS open house. Will be one of the student helpers there.

I just did my module selection. Have to decide between the normal route for year 2s or the IPBMS route, where i'll study in Monash University in Australia after my year 3. Sounds cool and fun, but its going to be one stressful year, no holidays and all. Costly too, $50K.
Maybe i'll take the normal route, then decide what to do after my diploma.

I've got work tmr, going to watch Tenacious D tmr as well. =) Wednesday no school!!!
FREEDOM!

`logged off.

|6:08 PM|

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Time flies and i've quitted Fish & Co.
Started work at NYDC already.

First day of work was alright, made new friends.
Heard of many stories of those staff they hate.
I myself also also detest a few of them.

On the whole, the people there are lively and fun.
First day of work, i kena disturb by so many people.
Izhar, Alfred all. Damn bastard. "inside joke"

First two days at NYDC i did opening. pretty alright.
The third day i worked was on Monday night, closing.
Izhar was the one who trained me.
Got to know other management. Medin was fucking funny.
He said he went to Sentosa to sky dive. I was like?
How is sky diving related to Sentosa. haha! the way he said was hilarious.

Got to know Natalie better, she really looks like one of my friend, wei wei.
So small and the way she walks is also similar. Except Nat smokes. suprising.
Do not judge the book by its cover. haha.
About eight plus, went for smoke break. Danial went along as well.
Talked about what happen on my first day of work. Both of us kena disturb.
Talked about music interest and all, clubbing.
Smoked two sticks then went back to work.
And, Izhar never wait for me to do closing. haha.

I didn't know after work, we can smoke at NYDC outlet.
I want to get bike license!! medin, roy, izhar all, ride bikes. damn.
Went home after that.

Now, in class. Bored, super bored.
Shall go and eat now. hungry sia.

`logged off.

|9:30 AM|

Monday, October 09, 2006

My definition of love, right now
"intangible and unreal"

I once thought that having someone by your side
Showing all his love and concern to you, just yourself;
would be the greatest thing ever.
Imagine having him just looking out for you out of everyone on the floor;
how blessed is that feeling.

However, i'll probably regret my decision.
But i'll stick to my stand and actions throughout my life.
No matter how much i meant to him, it takes two to do so.
I can't, there's no chemistry and we can't force anything out of it.
He's the greatest ever i've experience and seen,
but i wasn't the greatest and will never deserve him.
I chose this; as i'm afraid that i'll hurt him.
I've hurt too many of them in life.
Only i can stop it from happening.

I'm the one that brings all the heartbreak and ache.
I'm the curse of all guys. I'll never ever be ready to commit to you or to anyone.
I'm sorry, that's all i can ever say.
No matter how much i say, why do you always come in and make everything seem alright.
I'm just the the one you'll live till life. I'm just not.

You probably think that i've got the best of you.
But in reality i'm not, i can't do much for you.
I only can be there as a friend, never more than that.
Again, thousand apologises, but i'll know it'll never make it up to you.
You probably think that we belong together, but you know it'll never.

I'm just like a kite, i can't never be commited to stay by your side always.
I'm someone who needs extreme freedom, i know you trust me.
But i can't trust myself, so its best you know the real me.
The "me" you once knew has change.
I'm not any ordinary girl. Every girl would want their special someone.
But i'm different, i want to fly free. Just not yet, not yet.

I feel like a bitch.
Fuck all the times i've not been clear to you.
Fuck those times when i never cared.
Fuck everything that has ever happened.
Fuck me right back if you want. Forget those fucking times. Please.

But please do not ask me to fuck off, as i still want us to be friends.
The very best of friends. I know you'll be waiting;
but please listen to me just this once, walk away and never look back.
This is probably the last ever thing you can do for me.
In future you'll thank me.
Its my lost not yours, don't forget.

I had to go away;
You died just a little bit; but i'm sure you'll get yourself back up again.
I'm not the one you'll need.
I know you'll just cry a little
just to have me here with you.

But, i'm sorry. I can't.
I have to follow what i really want.
I really can't.

|1:27 PM|

Saturday, August 26, 2006

I was bored, waiting for time pass, so i took this from Hejing's blog.
Bloody miss that dumb dude. She's hell-out-of-a-bomb. =)

alt="Expert Exchanging Loving and Yummy, Naughty Necking"
border="0" />

OoOoOo... so that is what EELYNN, means. COOLNESS~

Well, i'm so not in the mood to update on the past happenings, feel as thou its not neccessary.
Why bother? when everything is so going down.
Well, at least i'll forget about the rubbish shit i went thru' and think happy-thoughts.
THINK HAPPY-THOUGHTS, THINK THINK.. =D

everybody seems to be breaking up
but i know i got a good thing right here.

- why can't you see the other me? the me that you wanted in me.

|2:25 PM|

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tuesday 8 August 2006
Hanged out with friends, went to Changi Village to drink and slack.
Met a new friend , introduced by Jarrell. A nice chap, a great friend.
He was there with us, but we never spoke, we didn't look at each other.
It felt different, everything, the feeling just disappeared into a thin air.
We seemed to be like strangers, i never thought it would turned out to be like this.
I wished that i never knew him, and nothing would happen.
Mark and Jarrell drank too much, got to send both of them home,
later head down to work, starts at 9am. Didn't sleep at all. Was too tired and upset to work.

Wednesday 9 August 2006
National Day is here, but the spirit in me has left.
Was being totally pissed off, their problems and affairs they have to bring it to work.
And, i have to stand their colours and attitude.
Had a break at 3pm, slept till 4+pm, took over Firman to go in at 5pm.
Cause he was not feeling well. Dinesh came to work, i told "him" that i've decided.
I'm not going to wait for "him", it's over. Dinesh ask me why and told me to have a talk with "him". I didn't want to hear anything from him, i'm afraid i will break down, i can't take it anymore.
After work, we gathered at table 3 as usual, to relax.
Bluffed Yong that i made a drink out of vodka and don't know what.
But in fact it's the customer's water, we did not clear it yet. Yong believed me and drank.
Oh my, he's so naive, but it created the atmosphere. haha
Bert took the teaspoon and lick it, then we told him it's customer's teaspoon, he was damn disgusted. Harj asked me to accompany her to Mac's, i told her if you can pull me, then i'll go.
She tried pulling me, i did a split and fell. Hazwan start laughing. =) so embarrassing.
Met mark after work, went to play pool. Was quite tired they told me to go back first.

Friday 11 August 2006
After school, went to work, as usual.
Jarrell came down after his school ended at nine-plus.
Mark came down short after. Went to slack at the platform near Mac's.
Played guitar, had funny talks, dirty talks and serious ones too.
They're really i nice bunch to hang out. I was quite upset too, with the ongoing sad songs behind.
My imaginations started to went wild. Jarrell told me that Mark said i needed more care. Do i?
I think i seemed fine, yeah maybe behind the mask, i do need people around me to care for me.
Went home around 3am.

Saturday 12 August 2006
Didn't work, had something on.
Met Jarrell and Bert after that to slack. Dinesh left first, he wasn't feeling well.
We talked, but the atmosphere was awkward. After all that happened between me and him, now seem distant. We pretended nothing ever happened. Played pool, had fries at Mac's.
Went home around 2+am.

Sunday 13 August 2006
Worked. Went home. The day suck big time. Everytime i see him, it makes me feel down.

Monday 14 August 2006
School for "awhile". Met Jarrell. Slacked, talked about me and my disgusting life. Thinking to myself, why do some people do not treasure their other partner well and just backstabbed them and cheated on them. And yet their partners forgave them over and over again and both patched up. when will i ever meet someone who is that forgiving, even so if i have a great boyfriend who is understanding, patient and faithful, who is able to make me happy with the simple him, i would be thankful and grateful for everything. As long as i have that special "him" out there, i am contented. Nothing like this ever happen to me. Maybe not ever.

I feel sick in the brain, writing this.
I have no idea what i have done to my life. Not sure if i have ruined it or anything.
Why are the other girls so much luckier than me and yet they take it for granted and realised that they had it for real. I so want to re-write my life, change it. But, how much i change it, it'll always stay the same. I want nothing in life, i just want to be happy, away from the bust streets, noisy roads and bustling people. I just want to head away to a place where no one knows, where i can run away from everything.

|11:33 AM|

Sunday, August 06, 2006

6 August 2006, a Sunday which I never want to wake up to.

Nothing seems to be going right, right now. Its all falling apart.

Can someone tell me if there ever is more to life.

Saturday, was when my disaster was just the beginning.

When I needed him most he left, he was with someone else.

No idea who, but it’s a girl. =|

I wanted him to be with me, be there for me. But his phone kept ringing.

She kept calling him, to as where he was. He was with me after work.

He initially wanted to stay but also wanted to leave to see his friend.

I decided to make a stern decision.

I’m fine, really. Since you’ve something else to attend to, just go.

I’ll settle my problem on my own. Deep inside, I really didn’t want him to go.

The moment he left, I was deeply hurt, every breath I breathed smelt like blood.

I still recalled what nesh told me on Friday when he was talking to him on Saturday,

Which kinds of make me feel upset.

I’m starting to hate myself, really.

He could not be with me, because of my opened and over outgoing character.

He was afraid to hurt me if ever he wants to breakup with me because of all my guy friends being like you know what… its so thoughtful of him to think like this, but isn’t he hurting me now even if he choose his choice.

I’m not sure if he likes someone else now. But all I know now is that I’m going to change.

Really change for him, and maybe for my future as well.

Nesh told me I should have a talk with him because he don’t know what I am thinking.

I really want to be with him, really love him. I hope that I can find someone I truly love and be with him for as long as time is. He wants a girlfriend that will last, a long term relationship. Am I not too?

I’m so tired, my life is so going down under.

Everything is gone, worst if “you” ever go away.

I just want to be with you and no one else. I don’t think I will ever find anyone like you.

We should talk about this, we really should. You need to do how I’m thinking I need to know what’s on your mind.

Life is so unfair for me. Anything I want and treasure most will be snatched away from me, always.

I want to be lucky and feel like one, for once.

I wanna be with you and I know you too.

I’ll change, I promise.

|6:29 PM|

Monday, July 31, 2006

I try
But I can't seem to get myself to think of anything but you
Your breath on my face
Your warm gentle kiss I taste
That's true
I taste the truth
U know what I came here for
So I wont ask for more

I wanna be with you
If only for one night....to be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with U

So I'll hope for tonite like I would if you were mine, to hold, forever more
And I'll savor his touch that I wanted so much
To be here before, to feel before
how beautiful it is just to be like this

I wanna be with you
If only for one night....to be the one who's in your arms who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with u

Oh, baby , I cant fight this feeling anymore
Drives me crazy when I try to
So come my way, take my hand,
Can U make my wish, baby you are in command

I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to ferl this way
I wanna be with U
I wanna be with U
wanna be with U

-Mandy Moore "I wanna be with you."-

|1:57 PM|